1 twilight暮色-第56章

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vanished　into　the　shadows　the　way　Edward　had　gone。　

Jasper　and　I　looked　at　each　other。　He　stood　across　the　length　of　the　
entryway　from　me…　being　careful。　

〃You're　wrong；　you　know；〃　he　said　quietly。　

〃What？〃　I　gasped。　

〃I　can　feel　what　you're　feeling　now　—　and　you　are　worth　it。〃　

〃I'm　not；〃　I　mumbled。　〃If　anything　happens　to　them；　it　will　be　for　
nothing。〃　

〃You're　wrong；〃　he　repeated；　smiling　kindly　at　me。　

I　heard　nothing；　but　then　Alice　stepped　through　the　front　door　and　came　
toward　me　with　her　arms　held　out。　

〃May　I？〃　she　asked。　

〃You're　the　first　one　to　ask　permission。〃　I　smiled　wryly。　

She　lifted　me　in　her　slender　arms　as　easily　as　Emmett　had；　shielding　me　
protectively；　and　then　we　flew　out　the　door；　leaving　the　lights　bright　
behind　us。　

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20。　IMPATIENCE　

When　I　woke　up　I　was　confused。　My　thoughts　were　hazy；　still　twisted　up　in　
dreams　and　nightmares；　it　took　me　longer　than　it　should　have　to　realize　
where　I　was。　

This　room　was　too　bland　to　belong　anywhere　but　in　a　hotel。　The　bedside　
lamps；　bolted　to　the　tables；　were　a　dead　giveaway；　as　were　the　long　
drapes　made　from　the　same　fabric　as　the　bedspread；　and　the　generic　
watercolor　prints　on　the　walls。　

I　tried　to　remember　how　I　got　here；　but　nothing　came　at　first。　

I　did　remember　the　sleek　black　car；　the　glass　in　the　windows　darker　than　
that　on　a　limousine。　The　engine　was　almost　silent；　though　we'd　raced　
across　the　black　freeways　at　more　than　twice　the　legal　speed。　

And　I　remembered　Alice　sitting　with　me　on　the　dark　leather　backseat。　
Somehow；　during　the　long　night；　my　head　had　ended　up　against　her　granite　
neck。　My　closeness　didn't　seem　to　bother　her　at　all；　and　her　cool；　hard　
skin　was　oddly　forting　to　me。　The　front　of　her　thin　cotton　shirt　was　
cold；　damp　with　the　tears　that　streamed　from　my　eyes　until；　red　and　sore；　
they　ran　dry。　

Sleep　had　evaded　me；　my　aching　eyes　strained　open　even　though　the　night　
finally　ended　and　dawn　broke　over　a　low　peak　somewhere　in　California。　The　
gray　light；　streaking　across　the　cloudless　sky；　stung　my　eyes。　But　I　
couldn't　close　them；　when　I　did；　the　images　that　flashed　all　too　vividly；　
like　still　slides　behind　my　lids；　were　unbearable。　Charlie's　broken　
expression　—　Edward's　brutal　snarl；　teeth　bared　—　Rosalie's　resentful　
glare　—　the　keeneyed　scrutiny　of　the　tracker　—　the　dead　look　in　Edward's　
eyes　after　he　kissed　me　the　last　time…　I　couldn't　stand　to　see　them。　So　I　
fought　against　my　weariness　and　the　sun　rose　higher。　

I　was　still　awake　when　we　came　through　a　shallow　mountain　pass　and　the　
sun；　behind　us　now；　reflected　off　the　tiled　rooftops　of　the　Valley　of　the　
Sun。　I　didn't　have　enough　emotion　left　to　be　surprised　that　we'd　made　a　
threeday　journey　in　one。　I　stared　blankly　at　the　wide；　flat　expanse　laid　
out　in　front　of　me。　Phoenix　—　the　palm　trees；　the　scrubby　creosote；　the　
haphazard　lines　of　the　intersecting　freeways；　the　green　swaths　of　golf　
courses　and　turquoise　splotches　of　swimming　pools；　all　submerged　in　a　
thin　smog　and　embraced　by　the　short；　rocky　ridges　that　weren't　really　big　
enough　to　be　called　mountains。　

The　shadows　of　the　palm　trees　slanted　across　the　freeway　—　defined；　
sharper　than　I　remembered；　paler　than　they　should　be。　Nothing　could　hide　
in　these　shadows。　The　bright；　open　freeway　seemed　benign　enough。　But　I　
felt　no　relief；　no　sense　of　homeing。　

〃Which　way　to　the　airport；　Bella？〃　Jasper　had　asked；　and　I　flinched；　
though　his　voice　was　quite　soft　and　unalarming。　It　was　the　first　sound；　
besides　the　purr　of　the　car；　to　break　the　long　night's　silence。　

〃Stay　on　the　Iten；〃　I'd　answered　automatically。　〃We'll　pass　right　by　it。〃　

My　brain　had　worked　slowly　through　the　fog　of　sleep　deprivation。　

〃Are　we　flying　somewhere？〃　I'd　asked　Alice。　

〃No；　but　it's　better　to　be　close；　just　in　case。〃　

I　remembered　beginning　the　loop　around　Sky　Harbor　International…　but　not　
ending　it。　I　suppose　that　must　have　been　when　I'd　fallen　asleep。　

Though；　now　that　I'd　chased　the　memories　down；　I　did　have　a　vague　
impression　of　leaving　the　car　—　the　sun　was　just　falling　behind　the　
horizon　—　my　arm　draped　over　Alice's　shoulder　and　her　arm　firm　around　my　
waist；　dragging　me　along　as　I　stumbled　through　the　warm；　dry　shadows。　

I　had　no　memory　of　this　room。　

I　looked　at　the　digital　clock　on　the　nightstand。　The　red　numbers　claimed　
it　was　three　o'clock；　but　they　gave　no　indication　if　it　was　night　or　day。　
No　edge　of　light　escaped　the　thick　curtains；　but　the　room　was　bright　with　
the　light　from　the　lamps。　

I　rose　stiffly　and　staggered　to　the　window；　pulling　back　the　drapes。　

It　was　dark　outside。　Three　in　the　morning；　then。　My　room　looked　out　on　a　
deserted　section　of　the　freeway　and　the　new　longterm　parking　garage　for　
the　airport。　It　was　slightly　forting　to　be　able　to　pinpoint　time　and　
place。　

I　looked　down　at　myself。　I　was　still　wearing　Esme's　clothes；　and　they　
didn't　fit　very　well　at　all。　I　looked　around　the　room；　glad　when　I　
discovered　my　duffel　bag　on　top　of　the　low　dresser。　

I　was　on　my　way　to　find　new　clothes　when　a　light　tap　on　the　door　made　me　
jump。　

〃Can　I　e　in？〃　Alice　asked。　

I　took　a　deep　breath。　〃Sure。〃　

She　walked　in；　and　looked　me　over　cautiously。　〃You　look　like　you　could　
sleep　longer；〃　she　said。　

I　just　shook　my　head。　

She　drifted　silently　to　the　curtains　and　closed　them　securely　before　
turning　back　to　me。　

〃We'll　need　to　stay　inside；〃　she　told　me。　

〃Okay。〃　My　voice　was　hoarse；　it　cracked。　

〃Thirsty？〃　she　asked。　

I　shrugged。　〃I'm　okay。　How　about　you？〃　

〃Nothing　unmanageable。〃　She　smiled。　〃I　ordered　some　food　for　you；　it's　in　
the　front　room。　Edward　reminded　me　that　you　have　to　eat　a　lot　more　
frequently　than　we　do。〃　

I　was　instantly　more　alert。　〃He　called？〃　

〃No；〃　she　said；　and　watched　as　my　face　fell。　〃It　was　before　we　left。〃　

She　took　my　hand　carefully　and　led　me　through　the　door　into　the　living　
room　of　the　hotel　suite。　I　could　hear　a　low　buzz　of　voices　ing　from　
the　TV。　Jasper　sat　motionlessly　at　the　desk　in　the　corner；　his　eyes　
watching　the　news　with　no　glimmer　of　interest。　

I　sat　on　the　floor　next　to　the　coffee　table；　where　a　tray　of　food　waited；　
and　began　picking　at　it　without　noticing　what　I　was　eating。　

Alice　perched　on　the　arm　of　the　sofa　and　stared　blankly　at　the　TV　like　
Jasper。　

I　ate　slowly；　watching　her；　turning　now　and　then　to　glance　quickly　at　
Jasper。　It　began　to　dawn　on　me　that　they　were　too　still。　They　never　
looked　away　from　the　screen；　though　mercials　were　playing　now。　I　
pushed　the　tray　away；　my　stomach　abruptly　uneasy。　Alice　looked　down　at　me。　

〃What's　wrong；　Alice？〃　I　asked。　

〃Nothing's　wrong。〃　Her　eyes　were　wide；　honest…　and　I　didn't　trust　them。　

〃What　do　we　do　now？〃　

〃We　wait　for　Carlisle　to　call。〃　

〃And　should　he　have　called　by　now？〃　I　could　see　that　I　was　near　the　mark。　

Alice's　eyes　flitted　from　mine　to　the　phone　on　top　of　her　leather　bag　and　
back。　

〃What　does　that　mean？〃　My　voice　quavered；　and　I　fought　to　control　it。　
〃That　he　hasn't　called　yet？〃　

〃It　just　means　that　they　don't　have　anything　to　tell　us。〃　

But　her　voice　was　too　even；　and　the　air　was　harder　to　breathe。　

Jasper　was　suddenly　beside　Alice；　closer　to　me　than　usual。　

〃Bella；〃　he　said　in　a　suspiciously　soothing　voice。　〃You　have　nothing　to　
worry　about。　You　are　pletely　safe　here。〃　

〃I　know　that。〃　

〃Then　why　are　you　frightened？〃　he　asked；　confused。　He　might　feel　the　
tenor　of　my　emotions；　but　he　couldn't　read　the　reasons　behind　them。　

〃You　heard　what　Laurent　said。〃　My　voice　was　just　a　whisper；　but　I　was　
sure　they　could　hear　me。　〃He　said　James　was　lethal。　What　if　something　
goes　wrong；　and　they　get　separated？　If　something　happens　to　any　of　them；　
Carlisle；　Emmett…　Edward…〃　I　gulped。　〃If　that　wild　female　hurts　Esme…〃　My　
voice　had　grown　higher；　a　note　of　hysteria　beginning　to　rise　in　it。　〃How　
could　I　live　with　myself　when　it's　my　fault？　None　of　you　should　be　
risking　yourselves　for　me　—〃　

〃Bella；　Bella；　stop；〃　he　interrupted　me；　his　words　pouring　out　so　quickly　
they　were　hard　to　understand。　〃You're　worrying　about　all　the　wrong　
things；　Bella。　Trust　me　on　this　—　none　of　us　are　in　jeopardy。　You　are　
under　too　much　strain　as　it　is；　don't　add　to　it　with　wholly　unnecessary　
worries。　Listen　to　me！〃　he　ordered；　for　I　had　looked　away。　〃Our　family　is　
strong。　Our　only　fear　is　losing　you。〃　

〃But　why　should　you　—〃　

Alice　interrupted　this　time；　touching　my　cheek　with　her　cold　fingers。　
〃It's　been　almost　a　century　that　Edward's　been　alone。　Now　he's　found　you。　
You　can't　see　the　changes　that　we　see；　we　who　have　been　with　him　for　so　
long。　Do　you　think　any　of　us　want　to　look　into　his　eyes　for　the　next　
hundred　years　if　he　loses　you？〃　

My　guilt　slowly　subsided　as　I　looked　into　her　dark　eyes。　But；　even　as　the　
calm　spread　over　me；　I　knew　I　couldn't　trust　my　feelings　with　Jasper　
there。　

It　was　a　very　long　day。　

We　stayed　in　the　room。　Alice　called　down　to　the　front　desk　and　asked　them　
to　ignore　our　maid　service　for　now。　The　windows　stayed　shut；　the　TV　on；　
though　no　one　watched　it。　At　regular　intervals；　food　was　delivered　for　
me。　The　silver　phone　resting　on　Alice's　bag　seemed　to　grow　bigger　as　the　
hours　passed。　

My　babysitters　handled　the　suspense　better　than　I　did。　As　I　fidgeted　and　
paced；　they　simply　grew　more　still；　two　statues　whose　eyes　followed　me　
imperceptibly　as　I　moved。　I　occupied　myself　with　memorizing　the　room；　the　
striped　pattern　of　the　couches；　tan；　peach；　cream；　dull　gold；　and　tan　
again。　Sometimes　I　stared　at　the　abstract　prints；　randomly　finding　
pictures　in　the　shapes；　like　I'd　found　pictures　in　the　clouds　as　a　child。　
I　traced　a　blue　hand；　a　woman　bing　her　hair；　a　cat　stretching。　But　
when　the　pale　red　circle　became　a　staring　eye；　I　looked　away。　

As　the　afternoon　wore　on；　I　went　back　to　bed；　simply　for　something　to　do。　
I　hoped　that　by　myself　in　the　dark；　I　could　give　in　to　the　terrible　fears　
that　hovered　on　the　edge　of　my　consciousness；　unable　to　break　through　
under　Jasper's　careful　supervision。　

But　Alice　followed　me　casuall