1 twilight暮色-第35章

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felt　a　sharp　pang　of　jealousy。　

〃Should　I　say　'have　fun；'　or　is　that　the　wrong　sentiment？〃　I　asked；　
turning　back　to　him。　

〃No；　'have　fun'　works　as　well　as　anything。〃　He　grinned。　

〃Have　fun；　then。〃　I　worked　to　sound　wholehearted。　Of　course　I　didn't　fool　
him。　

〃I'll　try。〃　He　still　grinned。　〃And　you　try　to　be　safe；　please。〃　

〃Safe　in　Forks　—　what　a　challenge。〃　

〃For　you　it　is　a　challenge。〃　His　jaw　hardened。　〃Promise。〃　

〃I　promise　to　try　to　be　safe；〃　I　recited。　〃I'll　do　the　laundry　tonight　—　
that　ought　to　be　fraught　with　peril。〃　

〃Don't　fall　in；〃　he　mocked。　

〃I'll　do　my　best。〃　

He　stood　then；　and　I　rose；　too。　

〃I'll　see　you　tomorrow；〃　I　sighed。　

〃It　seems　like　a　long　time　to　you；　doesn't　it？〃　he　mused。　

I　nodded　glumly。　

〃I'll　be　there　in　the　morning；〃　he　promised；　smiling　his　crooked　smile。　
He　reached　across　the　table　to　touch　my　face；　lightly　brushing　along　my　
cheekbone　again。　Then　he　turned　and　walked　away。　I　stared　after　him　until　

he　was　gone。　

I　was　sorely　tempted　to　ditch　the　rest　of　the　day；　at　the　very　least　Gym；　
but　a　warning　instinct　stopped　me。　I　knew　that　if　I　disappeared　now；　Mike　
and　others　would　assume　I　was　with　Edward。　And　Edward　was　worried　about　
the　time　we'd　spent　together　publicly…　if　things　went　wrong。　I　refused　to　
dwell　on　the　last　thought；　concentrating　instead　on　making　things　safer　
for　him。　

I　intuitively　knew　—　and　sensed　he　did；　too　—　that　tomorrow　would　be　
pivotal。　Our　relationship　couldn't　continue　to　balance；　as　it　did；　on　the　
point　of　a　knife。　We　would　fall　off　one　edge　or　the　other；　depending　
entirely　upon　his　decision；　or　his　instincts。　My　decision　was　made；　made　
before　I'd　ever　consciously　chosen；　and　I　was　mitted　to　seeing　it　
through。　Because　there　was　nothing　more　terrifying　to　me；　more　
excruciating；　than　the　thought　of　turning　away　from　him。　It　was　an　
impossibility。　

I　went　to　class；　feeling　dutiful。　I　couldn't　honestly　say　what　happened　
in　Biology；　my　mind　was　too　preoccupied　with　thoughts　of　tomorrow。　In　
Gym；　Mike　was　speaking　to　me　again；　he　wished　me　a　good　time　in　Seattle。　
I　carefully　explained　that　I'd　canceled　my　trip；　worried　about　my　truck。　

〃Are　you　going　to　the　dance　with　Cullen？〃　he　asked；　suddenly　sulky。　

〃No；　I'm　not　going　to　the　dance　at　all。〃　

〃What　are　you　doing；　then？〃　he　asked；　too　interested。　

My　natural　urge　was　to　tell　him　to　butt　out。　Instead；　I　lied　brightly。　

〃Laundry；　and　then　I　have　to　study　for　the　Trig　test　or　I'm　going　to　
fail。〃　

〃Is　Cullen　helping　you　study？〃　

〃Edward；〃　I　emphasized；　〃is　not　going　to　help　me　study。　He's　gone　away　
somewhere　for　the　weekend。〃　The　lies　came　more　naturally　than　usual；　I　
noted　with　surprise。　

〃Oh。〃　He　perked　up。　〃You　know；　you　could　e　to　the　dance　with　our　group　
anyway　—　that　would　be　cool。　We'd　all　dance　with　you；〃　he　promised。　

The　mental　image　of　Jessica's　face　made　my　tone　sharper　than　necessary。　

〃I'm　not　going　to　the　dance；　Mike；　okay？〃　

〃Fine。〃　He　sulked　again。　〃I　was　just　offering。〃　

When　the　school　day　had　finally　ended；　I　walked　to　the　parking　lot　
without　enthusiasm。　I　did　not　especially　want　to　walk　home；　but　I　
couldn't　see　how　he　would　have　retrieved　my　truck。　Then　again；　I　was　
starting　to　believe　that　nothing　was　impossible　for　him。　The　latter　
instinct　proved　correct　—　my　truck　sat　in　the　same　space　he'd　parked　his　
Volvo　in　this　morning。　I　shook　my　head；　incredulous；　as　I　opened　the　
unlocked　door　and　saw　the　key　in　the　ignition。　

There　was　a　piece　of　white　paper　folded　on　my　seat。　I　got　in　and　closed　
the　door　before　I　unfolded　it。　Two　words　were　written　in　his　elegant　
script。　



Be　safe。　

The　sound　of　the　truck　roaring　to　life　frightened　me。　I　laughed　at　myself。　

When　I　got　home；　the　handle　of　the　door　was　locked；　the　dead　bolt　
unlocked；　just　as　I'd　left　it　this　morning。　Inside；　I　went　straight　to　
the　laundry　room。　It　looked　just　the　same　as　I'd　left　it；　too。　I　dug　for　
my　jeans　and；　after　finding　them；　checked　the　pockets。　Empty。　Maybe　I'd　
hung　my　key　up　after　all；　I　thought；　shaking　my　head。　

Following　the　same　instinct　that　had　prompted　me　to　lie　to　Mike；　I　called　
Jessica　on　the　pretense　of　wishing　her　luck　at　the　dance。　When　she　
offered　the　same　wish　for　my　day　with　Edward；　I　told　her　about　the　
cancellation。　She　was　more　disappointed　than　really　necessary　for　a　
thirdparty　observer　to　be。　I　said　goodbye　quickly　after　that。　

Charlie　was　absentminded　at　dinner；　worried　over　something　at　work；　I　
guessed；　or　maybe　a　basketball　game；　or　maybe　he　was　just　really　enjoying　
the　lasagna　—　it　was　hard　to　tell　with　Charlie。　

〃You　know；　Dad…〃　I　began；　breaking　into　his　reverie。　

〃What's　that；　Bell？〃　

〃I　think　you're　right　about　Seattle。　I　think　I'll　wait　until　Jessica　or　
someone　else　can　go　with　me。〃　

〃Oh；〃　he　said；　surprised。　〃Oh；　okay。　So；　do　you　want　me　to　stay　home？〃　

〃No；　Dad；　don't　change　your　plans。　I've　got　a　million　things　to　do…　
homework；　laundry…　I　need　to　go　to　the　library　and　the　grocery　store。　
I'll　be　in　and　out　all　day…　you　go　and　have　fun。〃　

〃Are　you　sure？〃　

〃Absolutely；　Dad。　Besides；　the　freezer　is　getting　dangerously　low　on　fish　
—　we're　down　to　a　two；　maybe　three　years'　supply。〃　

〃You're　sure　easy　to　live　with；　Bella。〃　He　smiled。　

〃I　could　say　the　same　thing　about　you；〃　I　said；　laughing。　The　sound　of　my　
laughter　was　off；　but　he　didn't　seem　to　notice。　I　felt　so　guilty　for　
deceiving　him　that　I　almost　took　Edward's　advice　and　told　him　where　I　
would　be。　Almost。　

After　dinner；　I　folded　clothes　and　moved　another　load　through　the　dryer。　
Unfortunately　it　was　the　kind　of　job　that　only　keeps　hands　busy。　My　mind　
definitely　had　too　much　free　time；　and　it　was　getting　out　of　control。　I　
fluctuated　between　anticipation　so　intense　that　it　was　very　nearly　pain；　
and　an　insidious　fear　that　picked　at　my　resolve。　I　had　to　keep　reminding　
myself　that　I'd　made　my　choice；　and　I　wasn't　going　back　on　it。　I　pulled　
his　note　out　of　my　pocket　much　more　often　than　necessary　to　absorb　the　
two　small　words　he'd　written。　He　wants　me　to　be　safe；　I　told　myself　again　
and　again。　I　would　just　hold　on　to　the　faith　that；　in　the　end；　that　
desire　would　win　out　over　the　others。　And　what　was　my　other　choice　—　to　
cut　him　out　of　my　life？　Intolerable。　Besides；　since　I'd　e　to　Forks；　it　
really　seemed　like　my　life　was　about　him。　

But　a　tiny　voice　in　the　back　of　my　mind　worried；　wondering　if　it　would　
hurt　very　much…　if　it　ended　badly。　

I　was　relieved　when　it　was　late　enough　to　be　acceptable　for　bedtime。　I　
knew　I　was　far　too　stressed　to　sleep；　so　I　did　something　I'd　never　done　
before。　I　deliberately　took　unnecessary　cold　medicine　—　the　kind　that　
knocked　me　out　for　a　good　eight　hours。　I　normally　wouldn't　condone　that　
type　of　behavior　in　myself；　but　tomorrow　would　be　plicated　enough　
without　me　being　loopy　from　sleep　deprivation　on　top　of　everything　else。　
While　I　waited　for　the　drugs　to　kick　in；　I　dried　my　clean　hair　till　it　
was　impeccably　straight；　and　fussed　over　what　I　would　wear　tomorrow。　With　
everything　ready　for　the　morning；　I　finally　lay　in　my　bed。　I　felt　hyper；　
I　couldn't　stop　twitching。　I　got　up　and　rifled　through　my　shoebox　of　CDs　
until　I　found　a　collection　of　Chopin's　nocturnes。　I　put　that　on　very　
quietly　and　then　lay　down　again；　concentrating　on　relaxing　individual　
parts　of　my　body。　Somewhere　in　the　middle　of　that　exercise；　the　cold　
pills　took　effect；　and　I　gladly　sank　into　unconsciousness。　



I　woke　early；　having　slept　soundly　and　dreamlessly　thanks　to　my　
gratuitous　drug　use。　Though　I　was　well　rested；　I　slipped　right　back　into　
the　same　hectic　frenzy　from　the　night　before。　I　dressed　in　a　rush；　

smoothing　my　collar　against　my　neck；　fidgeting　with　the　tan　sweater　till　
it　hung　right　over　my　jeans。　I　sneaked　a　swift　look　out　the　window　to　see　
that　Charlie　was　already　gone。　A　thin；　cottony　layer　of　clouds　veiled　the　
sky。　They　didn't　look　very　lasting。　

I　ate　breakfast　without　tasting　the　food；　hurrying　to　clean　up　when　I　was　
done。　I　peeked　out　the　window　again；　but　nothing　had　changed。　I　had　just　
finished　brushing　my　teeth　and　was　heading　back　downstairs　when　a　quiet　
knock　sent　my　heart　thudding　against　my　rib　cage。　

I　flew　to　the　door；　I　had　a　little　trouble　with　the　simple　dead　bolt；　but　
I　yanked　the　door　open　at　last；　and　there　he　was。　All　the　agitation　
dissolved　as　soon　as　I　looked　at　his　face；　calm　taking　its　place。　I　
breathed　a　sigh　of　relief　—　yesterday's　fears　seemed　very　foolish　with　
him　here。　

He　wasn't　smiling　at　first　—　his　face　was　somber。　But　then　his　expression　
lightened　as　he　looked　me　over；　and　he　laughed。　

〃Good　morning；〃　he　chuckled。　

〃What's　wrong？〃　I　glanced　down　to　make　sure　I　hadn't　forgotten　anything　
important；　like　shoes；　or　pants。　

〃We　match。〃　He　laughed　again。　I　realized　he　had　a　long；　light　tan　sweater　
on；　with　a　white　collar　showing　underneath；　and　blue　jeans。　I　laughed　
with　him；　hiding　a　secret　twinge　of　regret　—　why　did　he　have　to　look　like　
a　runway　model　when　I　couldn't？　

I　locked　the　door　behind　me　while　he　walked　to　the　truck。　He　waited　by　
the　passenger　door　with　a　martyred　expression　that　was　easy　to　understand。　

〃We　made　a　deal；〃　I　reminded　him　smugly；　climbing　into　the　driver's　seat；　
and　reaching　over　to　unlock　his　door。　

〃Where　to？〃　I　asked。　

〃Put　your　seat　belt　on　—　I'm　nervous　already。〃　

I　gave　him　a　dirty　look　as　I　plied。　

〃Where　to？〃　I　repeated　with　a　sigh。　

〃Take　the　oneohone　north；〃　he　ordered。　

It　was　surprisingly　difficult　to　concentrate　on　the　road　while　feeling　
his　gaze　on　my　face。　I　pensated　by　driving　more　carefully　than　usual　
through　the　stillsleeping　town。　

〃Were　you　planning　to　make　it　out　of　Forks　before　nightfall？〃　

〃This　truck　is　old　enough　to　be　your　car's　grandfather　—　have　some　
respect；〃　I　retorted。　

We　were　soon　out　of　the　town　limits；　despite　his　negativity。　Thick　
underbrush　and　greenswathed　trunks　replaced　the　lawns　and　houses。　

〃Turn　right　on　the　oen；〃　he　instructed　just　as　I　was　about　to　ask。　I　
obeyed　silently。　

〃Now　we　drive　until　the　pavement　ends。〃　

I　could　hear　a　smile　in　his　voice；　but　I