5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第7章

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　to　get　over　things。　a　long　time　to　wallow　in　guilt。　Like　I　do。　Eternity　is　Honestly。　So　you　kill　one　human。　That　s　hardly　Just　then；　Alice　tossed　a　smaller　handful　of　ice　that　she　d　been　hiding　into　Emmett　s　unsuspecting　face。

He　blinked；　surprised；　and　then　grinned　in　anticipation。　You　asked　for　it；　he　said　as　he　leaned　across　the　table　and　shook　his　iceencrusted　hair　in　her　direction。　The　snow；　melting　in　the　warm　room；　flew　out　from　his　hair　in　a　thick　shower　of　halfliquid；　halfice。　Ew！　Rose　plained；　as　she　and　Alice　recoiled　from　the　deluge。　Alice　laughed；　and　we　all　joined　in。　I　could　see　in　Alice　s　head　how　she　d　orchestrated　this　perfect　moment；　and　I　knew　that　the　girl　I　should　stop　thinking　of　her　that　way；　as　if　she　were　the　only　girl　in　the　world　that　Bella　would　be　watching　us　laugh　and　play；　looking　as　happy　and　human　and　unrealistically　ideal　as　a　Norman　Rockwell　painting。　Alice　kept　laughing；　and　held　her　tray　up　as　a　shield。　be　staring　at　us。　The　girl　Bella　must　still　staring　at　the　Cullens　again；　someone　thought；　catching　my　attention。　I　looked　automatically　toward　the　unintentional　call；　realizing　as　my　eyes　found　their　destination　that　I　recognized　the　voice　I　d　been　listening　to　it　so　much　today。　But　my　eyes　slid　right　past　Jessica；　and　focused　on　the　girl　s　perating　gaze。　She　looked　down　quickly；　hiding　behind　her　thick　hair　again。　What　was　she　thinking？　The　frustration　seemed　to　be　getting　more　acute　as　time　went　on；　rather　than　dulling。　I　tried　uncertain　in　what　I　was　doing　for　I　d　never　tried　this　before　to　probe　with　my　mind　at　the　silence　around　her。　My　extra　hearing　had　always　e　to　me　naturally；　without　asking；　I　d　never　had　to　work　at　it。　But　I　concentrated　now；　trying　to　break　through　whatever　shield　surrounded　her。　Nothing　but　silence。　What　is　it　about　her？　Jessica　thought；　echoing　my　own　frustration。　Edward　Cullen　is　staring　at　you；　she　whispered　in　the　Swan　girl　s　ear；　adding　a　giggle。　There　was　no　hint　of　her　jealous　irritation　in　her　tone。　Jessica　seemed　to　be　skilled　at　feigning　friendship。　I　listened；　too　engrossed；　to　the　girl　s　response。　He　doesn　t　look　angry；　does　he？　she　whispered　back。　So　she　had　noticed　my　wild　reaction　last　week。　Of　course　she　had。　The　question　confused　Jessica。　I　saw　my　own　face　in　her　thoughts　as　she　checked　my　expression；　but　I　did　not　meet　her　glance。　I　was　still　concentrating　on　the　girl；　trying　to　hear　something。　My　intent　focus　didn　t　seem　to　be　helping　at　all。　No；　Jess　told　her；　and　I　knew　that　she　wished　she　could　say　yes　how　it　rankled　inside　her；　my　staring　though　there　was　no　trace　of　that　in　her　voice。　Should　he　be？　I　don　t　think　he　likes　me；　the　girl　whispered　back；　laying　her　head　down　on　her　arm　as　if　she　were　suddenly　tired。　I　tried　to　understand　the　motion；　but　I　could

only　make　guesses。　Maybe　she　was　tired。　The　Cullens　don　t　like　anybody；　Jess　reassured　her。　Well；　they　don　t　notice　anybody　enough　to　like　them。　They　never　used　to。　Her　thought　was　a　grumble　of　plaint。　But　he　s　still　staring　at　you。　Stop　looking　at　him；　the　girl　said　anxiously；　lifting　her　head　from　her　arm　to　make　sure　Jessica　obeyed　the　order。　Jessica　giggled；　but　did　as　she　was　asked。　The　girl　did　not　look　away　from　her　table　for　the　rest　of　the　hour。　I　thought　though；　of　course；　I　could　not　be　sure　that　this　was　deliberate。　It　seemed　like　she　wanted　to　look　at　me。　Her　body　would　shift　slightly　in　my　direction；　her　chin　would　begin　to　turn；　and　then　she　would　catch　herself；　take　a　deep　breath；　and　stare　fixedly　at　whoever　was　speaking。　I　ignored　the　other　thoughts　around　the　girl　for　the　most　part；　as　they　were　not；　momentarily；　about　her。　Mike　Newton　was　planning　a　snow　fight　in　the　parking　lot　after　school；　not　seeming　to　realize　that　the　snow　had　already　shifted　to　rain。　The　flutter　of　soft　flakes　against　the　roof　had　bee　the　more　mon　patter　of　raindrops。　Could　he　really　not　hear　the　change？　It　seemed　loud　to　me。　When　the　lunch　period　ended；　I　stayed　in　my　seat。　The　humans　filed　out；　and　I　caught　myself　trying　to　distinguish　the　sound　of　her　footsteps　from　the　sound　of　the　rest；　as　if　there　was　something　important　or　unusual　about　them。　How　stupid。　My　family　made　no　move　to　leave；　either。　They　waited　to　see　what　I　would　do。　Would　I　go　to　class；　sit　beside　the　girl　where　I　could　smell　the　absurdly　potent　scent　of　her　blood　and　feel　the　warmth　of　her　pulse　in　the　air　on　my　skin？　Was　I　strong　enough　for　that？　Or　had　I　had　enough　for　one　day？　I　think　it　s　okay；　Alice　said；　hesitant。　make　it　through　the　hour。　Your　mind　is　set。　I　think　you　ll　But　Alice　knew　well　how　quickly　a　mind　could　change。　Why　push　it；　Edward？　Jasper　asked。　Though　he　didn　t　want　to　feel　smug　that　I　was　the　one　who　was　weak　now；　I　could　hear　that　he　did；　just　a　little。　Go　home。　Take　it　slow。　What　s　the　big　deal？　Emmett　disagreed。　Either　he　will　or　he　won　t　kill　her。　Might　as　well　get　it　over　with；　either　way。　I　don　t　want　to　move　yet；　Rosalie　plained。　I　don　t　want　to　start　over。　We　re　almost　out　of　high　school；　Emmett。　Finally。　I　was　evenly　torn　on　the　decision。　I　wanted；　wanted　badly；　to　face　this　head　on　rather　than　running　away　again。　But　I　didn　t　want　to　push　myself　too　far；　either。　It　had　been　a　mistake　last　week　for　Jasper　to　go　so　long　without　hunting；　was　this　just　as　pointless　a　mistake？　I　didn　t　want　to　uproot　my　family。　None　of　them　would　thank　me　for　that。　I　realized　that　I　wanted　to　see　her　face　But　I　wanted　to　go　to　my　biology　class。　again。

That　s　what　decided　it　for　me。　That　curiosity。　I　was　angry　with　myself　for　feeling　it。　Hadn　t　I　promised　myself　that　I　wouldn　t　let　the　silence　of　the　girl　s　mind　make　me　unduly　interested　in　her？　And　yet；　here　I　was；　most　unduly　interested。　I　wanted　to　know　what　she　was　thinking。　Her　mind　was　closed；　but　her　eyes　were　very　open。　Perhaps　I　could　read　them　instead。　No；　Rose；　I　think　it　really　will　be　okay；　Alice　said。　It　s　firming　up。　I　m　niythree　percent　sure　that　nothing　bad　will　happen　if　he　goes　to　class。　She　looked　at　me　inquisitively；　wondering　what　had　changed　in　my　thoughts　that　made　her　vision　of　the　future　more　secure。　Would　curiosity　be　enough　to　keep　Bella　Swan　alive？　Emmett　was　right；　though　why　not　get　it　over　with；　either　way？　temptation　head　on。　I　would　face　the　Go　to　class；　I　ordered；　pushing　away　from　the　table。　I　turned　and　strode　away　from　them　without　looking　back。　I　could　hear　Alice　s　worry；　Jasper　s　censure；　Emmett　s　approval；　and　Rosalie　s　irritation　trailing　after　me。　I　took　one　last　deep　breath　at　the　door　of　the　classroom；　and　then　held　it　in　my　lungs　as　I　walked　into　the　small；　warm　space。　I　was　not　late。　Mr。　Banner　was　still　setting　up　for　today　s　lab。　The　girl　sat　at　my　at　our　table；　her　face　down　again；　staring　at　the　folder　she　was　doodling　on。　I　examined　the　sketch　as　I　approached；　interested　in　even　this　trivial　creation　of　her　mind；　but　it　was　meaningless。　Just　a　random　scribbling　of　loops　within　loops。　Perhaps　she　was　not　concentrating　on　the　pattern；　but　thinking　of　something　else？　I　pulled　my　chair　back　with　unnecessary　roughness；　letting　it　scrape　across　the　linoleum；　humans　always　felt　more　fortable　when　noise　announced　someone　s　approach。　I　knew　she　heard　the　sound；　she　did　not　look　up；　but　her　hand　missed　a　loop　in　the　design　she　was　drawing；　making　it　unbalanced。　Why　didn　t　she　look　up？　Probably　she　was　frightened。　I　must　be　sure　to　leave　her　with　a　different　impression　this　time。　Make　her　think　she　d　been　imagining　things　before。　Hello；　I　said　in　the　quiet　voice　I　used　when　I　wanted　to　make　humans　more　fortable；　forming　a　polite　smile　with　my　lips　that　would　not　show　any　teeth。　She　looked　up　then；　her　wide　brown　eyes　startled　almost　bewildered　and　full　of　silent　questions。　It　was　the　same　expression　that　had　been　obstructing　my　vision　for　the　last　week。　As　I　stared　into　those　oddly　deep　brown　eyes；　I　realized　that　the　hate　the　hate　I　d　imagined　this　girl　somehow　deserved　for　simply　existing　had　evaporated。　Not　breathing　now；　not　tasting　her　scent；　it　was　hard　to　believe　that　anyone　so　vulnerable　could　ever　justify　hatred。　Her　cheeks　began　to　flush；　and　she　said　nothing。　I　kept　my　eyes　on　hers；　focusing　only　on　their　questioning　depths；　and　tried　to　ignore　the　appetizing　color　of　her　skin。　I　had　enough　breath　to　speak　for　a　while　longer　without　inhaling。

My　name　is　Edward　Cullen；　I　said；　though　I　knew　she　knew　that。　It　was　the　polite　way　to　begin。　I　didn　t　have　a　chance　to　introduce　myself　last　week。　must　be　Bella　Swan。　She　seemed　confused　there　was　that　little　pucker　between　her　eyes　again。　her　half　a　second　longer　than　it　should　have　for　her　to　respond。　You　It　took　How　do　you　know　my　name？　she　demanded；　and　her　voice　shook　just　a　little。　I　must　have　truly　terrified　her。　This　made　me　feel　guilty；　she　was　just　so　defenseless。　I　laughed　gently　it　was　a　sound　that　I　knew　made　humans　more　at　ease。　Again；　I　was　careful　about　my　teeth。　Oh；　I　think　everyone　knows　your　name。　Surely　she　must　have　realized　that　she　d　bee　the　center　of　attention　in　this　monotonous　place。　The　whole　town　s　been　waiting　for　you　to　arrive。　She　frowned　as　if　this　information　was　unpleasant。　I　supposed；　being　shy　as　she　seemed　to　be；　attention　would　seem　like　a　bad　thing　to　her。　Most　humans　felt　the　opposite。　Though　they　didn　t　want　to　stand　out　from　the　herd；　at　the　same　time　they　craved　a　spotlight　for　their　individual　uniformity。　No；　she　said。　I　meant；　why　did　you　call　me　Bella？　Do　you　prefer　Isabella？　I　asked；　perplexed　by　the　fact　that　I　couldn　t　see　where　this　question　was　leading。　I　didn　t　understand。　Surely；　she　d　made　her　preference　clear　many　times　that　first　day。　Were　all　humans　this　inprehensible　without　the　mental　context　as　a　guide？　No；　I　like　Bella；　she　answered；　leaning　her　head　slightly　to　one　side。　Her　expression　if　I　was　reading　it　correctly　was　torn　between　embarrassment　and　confusion。　But　I　think　Charlie　I　mean　my　dad　must　call　me　Isabella　behind　my　back。　That　s　what　everyone　here　seems　to　know　me　as。　Her　skin　darkened　one　shade　pinker。　Oh；　I　said　lamely；　and　quickly　looked　away　from　her　face。　I　d　just　realized　what　her　questions　meant：　I　had　slipped　up　made　an　error。　If　I　hadn　t　been　eavesdropping　on　all　the　others　that　first　day；　then　I　would　have　addressed　her　initially　by　her　full　name；　just　like　everyone　else。　She　d　noticed　the　d