5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第11章

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　Carlisle　went　to　dress　for　his　early　shift　at　the　hospital；　I　stayed　by　the　river；　waiting　for　the　sun　to　rise。　I　felt　almost　swollen　from　the　amount　of　blood　I　d　consumed；　but　I　knew　the　lack　of　actual　thirst　would　mean　little　when　I　sat　beside　the　girl　again。　Cool　and　motionless　as　the　stone　I　sat　on；　I　stared　at　the　dark　water　running　beside　the　icy　bank；　stared　right　through　it。　Carlisle　was　right。　I　should　leave　Forks。　They　could　spread　some　story　to　explain　my　absence。　Boarding　school　in　Europe。　Visiting　distant　relatives。　Teenage　runaway。　The　story　didn　t　matter。　No　one　would　question　too　intensely。　It　was　just　a　year　or　two；　and　then　the　girl　would　disappear。　She　would　go　on　with　her　life　she　would　have　a　life　to　go　on　with。　She　d　go　to　college　somewhere；　get　older；　start　a　career；　perhaps　marry　someone。　I　could　picture　that　I　could　see　the　girl　dressed　all　in　white　and　walking　at　a　measured　pace；　her　arm　through　her　father　s。　It　was　odd；　the　pain　that　image　caused　me。　I　couldn　t　understand　it。　Was　I　jealous；　because　she　had　a　future　that　I　could　never　have？　That　made　no　sense。　Every　one　of　the　humans　around　me　had　that　same　potential　ahead　of　them　a　life　and　I　rarely　stopped　to　envy　them。　I　should　leave　her　to　her　future。　Stop　risking　her　life。　That　was　the　right　thing　to　do。　Carlisle　always　chose　the　right　way。　I　should　listen　to　him　now。　The　sun　rose　behind　the　clouds；　and　the　faint　light　glistened　off　all　the　frozen　glass。　One　more　day；　I　decided。　I　would　see　her　one　more　time。　I　could　handle　that。　Perhaps　I　would　mention　my　pending　disappearance；　set　the　story　up。　This　was　going　to　be　difficult；　I　could　feel　that　in　the　heavy　reluctance　that　was　already　making　me　think　of　excuses　to　stay　to　extend　the　deadline　to　two　days；　three；　four　But　I　would　do　the　right　thing。　I　knew　I　could　trust　Carlisle　s　advice。　And　I　also　knew　that　I　was　too　conflicted　to　make　the　right　decision　alone。　Much　too　conflicted。　How　much　of　this　reluctance　came　from　my　obsessive　curiosity；　and　how　much　came　from　my　unsatisfied　appetite？　I　went　inside　to　change　into　fresh　clothes　for　school。　Alice　was　waiting　for　me；　sitting　on　the　top　step　at　the　edge　of　the　third　floor。　You　re　leaving　again；　she　accused　me。　I　sighed　and　nodded。　I　can　t　see　where　you　re　going　this　time。

I　don　t　know　where　I　m　going　yet；　I　whispered。　I　want　you　to　stay。　I　shook　my　head。　Maybe　Jazz　and　I　could　e　with　you？　They　ll　need　you　all　the　more；　if　I　m　not　here　to　watch　out　for　them。　of　Esme。　Would　you　take　half　her　family　away　in　one　blow？　You　re　going　to　make　her　so　sad。　I　know。　That　s　why　you　have　to　stay。　That　s　not　the　same　as　having　you　here；　and　you　know　it。　Yes。　But　I　have　to　do　what　s　right。　And　think　There　are　many　right　ways；　and　many　wrong　ways；　though；　aren　t　there？　For　a　brief　moment　she　was　swept　away　into　one　of　her　strange　visions；　I　watched　along　with　her　as　the　indistinct　images　flickered　and　whirled。　I　saw　myself　mixed　in　with　strange　shadows　that　I　couldn　t　make　out　hazy；　imprecise　forms。　And　then；　suddenly；　my　skin　was　glittering　in　the　bright　sunlight　of　a　small　open　meadow。　This　was　a　place　I　knew。　There　was　a　figure　in　the　meadow　with　me；　but；　again；　it　was　indistinct；　not　there　enough　to　recognize。　The　images　shivered　and　disappeared　as　a　million　tiny　choices　rearranged　the　future　again。　I　didn　t　catch　much　of　that；　I　told　her　when　the　vision　went　dark。　Me　either。　Your　future　is　shifting　around　so　much　I　can　t　keep　up　with　any　of　it。　I　think；　though　She　stopped；　and　she　flipped　through　a　vast　collection　of　other　recent　visions　for　me。　They　were　all　the　same　blurry　and　vague。　I　think　something　is　changing；　though；　she　said　out　loud。　be　at　a　crossroads。　I　laughed　grimly。　now；　right？　Your　life　seems　to　You　do　realize　that　you　sound　like　a　bogus　gypsy　at　a　carnival　She　stuck　her　tiny　tongue　out　at　me。　Today　is　all　right；　though；　isn　t　it？　I　asked；　my　voice　abruptly　apprehensive。　I　don　t　see　you　killing　anyone　today；　she　assured　me。　Thanks；　Alice。　Go　get　dressed。　ready。　I　won　t　say　anything　I　ll　let　you　tell　the　others　when　you　re　Miss　She　stood　and　darted　back　down　the　stairs；　her　shoulders　hunched　slightly。　you。　Really。　Yes；　I　would　really　miss　her；　too。

It　was　a　quiet　ride　to　school。　Jasper　could　tell　that　Alice　was　upset　about　something；　but　he　knew　that　if　she　wanted　to　talk　about　it　she　would　have　done　so　already。　Emmett　and　Rosalie　were　oblivious；　having　another　of　their　moments；　gazing　into　each　others　eyes　with　wonder　it　was　rather　disgusting　to　watch　from　the　outside。　We　were　all　quite　aware　how　desperately　in　love　they　were。　Or　maybe　I　was　just　being　bitter　because　I　was　the　only　one　alone。　Some　days　it　was　harder　than　others　to　live　with　three　sets　of　perfectly　matched　lovers。　This　was　one　of　them。　Maybe　they　would　all　be　happier　without　me　hanging　around；　illtempered　and　belligerent　as　the　old　man　I　should　be　by　now。　Of　course；　the　first　thing　I　did　when　we　reached　the　school　was　to　look　for　the　girl。　Just　preparing　myself　again。　Right。　It　was　embarrassing　how　my　world　suddenly　seemed　to　be　empty　of　everything　but　her　my　whole　existence　centered　around　the　girl；　rather　than　around　myself　anymore。　It　was　easy　enough　to　understand；　though；　really；　after　eighty　years　of　the　same　thing　every　day　and　every　night；　any　change　became　a　point　of　absorption。　She　had　not　yet　arrived；　but　could　I　hear　the　thunderous　chugging　of　her　truck　s　engine　in　the　distance。　I　leaned　against　the　side　of　the　car　to　wait。　Alice　stayed　with　me；　while　the　others　went　straight　to　class。　They　were　bored　with　my　fixation　it　was　inprehensible　to　them　how　any　human　could　hold　my　interest　for　so　long；　no　matter　how　delicious　she　smelled。　The　girl　drove　slowly　into　view；　her　eyes　intent　on　the　road　and　her　hands　tight　on　the　wheel。　She　seemed　anxious　about　something。　It　took　me　a　second　to　figure　out　what　that　something　was；　to　realize　that　every　human　wore　the　same　expression　today。　Ah；　the　road　was　slick　with　ice；　and　they　were　all　trying　to　drive　more　carefully。　I　could　see　she　was　taking　the　added　risk　seriously。　That　seemed　in　line　with　what　little　I　had　learned　of　her　character。　to　my　small　list：　she　was　a　serious　person；　a　responsible　person。　I　added　this　She　parked　not　too　far　from　me；　but　she　hadn　t　noticed　me　standing　here　yet；　staring　at　her。　I　wondered　what　she　would　do　when　she　did？　Blush　and　walk　away？　That　was　my　first　guess。　talk　to　me。　But　maybe　she　would　stare　back。　Maybe　she　would　e　to　I　took　a　deep　breath；　filling　my　lungs　hopefully；　just　in　case。　She　got　out　of　the　truck　with　care；　testing　the　slick　ground　before　she　put　her　weight　on　it。　She　didn　t　look　up；　and　that　frustrated　me。　Maybe　I　would　go　talk　to　her　No；　that　would　be　wrong。　Instead　of　turning　toward　the　school；　she　made　her　way　to　the　rear　of　her　truck；　clinging　to　the　side　of　the　truck　bed　in　a　droll　way；　not　trusting　her　footing。　It　made　me　smile；　and　I　felt　Alice　s　eyes　on　my　face。　I　didn　t　listen　to　whatever

this　made　her　think　I　was　having　too　much　fun　watching　the　girl　check　her　snow　chains。　She　actually　looked　in　some　danger　of　falling；　the　way　her　feet　were　sliding　around。　No　one　else　was　having　trouble　had　she　parked　in　the　worst　of　the　ice？　She　paused　there；　staring　down　with　a　strange　expression　on　her　face。　was　tender？　As　if　something　about　the　tire　was　making　her　emotional？　Again；　the　curiosity　ached　like　a　thirst。　thinking　as　if　nothing　else　mattered。　It　It　was　as　if　I　had　to　know　what　she　was　I　would　go　talk　to　her。　She　looked　like　she　could　use　a　hand　anyway；　at　least　until　she　was　off　the　slick　pavement。　Of　course；　I　couldn　t　offer　her　that；　could　I？　I　hesitated；　torn。　As　adverse　as　she　seemed　to　be　to　snow；　she　would　hardly　wele　the　touch　of　my　cold　white　hand。　I　should　have　worn　gloves　NO！　Alice　gasped　aloud。　Instantly；　I　scanned　her　thoughts；　guessing　at　first　that　I　had　made　a　poor　choice　and　she　saw　me　doing　something　inexcusable。　But　it　had　nothing　to　do　with　me　at　all。　Tyler　Crowley　had　chosen　to　take　the　turn　into　the　parking　lot　at　an　injudicious　speed。　This　choice　would　send　him　skidding　across　a　patch　of　ice　The　vision　came　just　half　a　second　before　the　reality。　Tyler　s　van　rounded　the　corner　as　I　was　still　watching　the　conclusion　that　had　pulled　the　horrified　gasp　through　Alice　s　lips。　No；　this　vision　had　nothing　to　do　with　me；　and　yet　it　had　everything　to　do　with　me；　because　Tyler　s　van　the　tires　right　now　hitting　the　ice　at　the　worst　possible　angle　was　going　to　spin　across　the　lot　and　crush　the　girl　who　had　bee　the　uninvited　focal　point　of　my　world。　Even　without　Alice　s　foresight　it　would　have　been　simple　enough　to　read　the　trajectory　of　the　vehicle；　flying　out　of　Tyler　s　control。　The　girl；　standing　in　the　exactly　wrong　place　at　the　back　of　her　truck；　looked　up；　bewildered　by　the　sound　of　the　screeching　tires。　She　looked　straight　into　my　horror　struck　eyes；　and　then　turned　to　watch　her　approaching　death。　Not　her！　The　words　shouted　in　my　head　as　if　they　belonged　to　someone　else。　Still　locked　into　Alice　s　thoughts；　I　saw　the　vision　suddenly　shift；　but　I　had　no　time　to　see　what　the　oute　would　be。　I　launched　myself　across　the　lot；　throwing　myself　between　the　skidding　van　and　the　frozen　girl。　I　moved　so　fast　that　everything　was　a　streaky　blur　except　for　the　object　of　my　focus。　She　didn　t　see　me　no　human　eyes　could　have　followed　my　flight　still　staring　at　the　hulking　shape　that　was　about　to　grind　her　body　into　the　metal　frame　of　her　truck。　I　caught　her　around　the　waist；　moving　with　too　much　urgency　to　be　as　gentle　as　she　would　need　me　to　be。　In　the　hundredth　of　a　second　between　the　time　that　I　yanked　her　slight　form　out　of　the　path　of　death　and　the　time　that　I　crashed　into　to　the

ground　with　her　in　my　arms；　I　was　vividly　aware　of　her　fragile；　breakable　body。　When　I　heard　her　head　crack　against　the　ice；　it　felt　like　I　had　turned　to　ice；　too。　But　I　didn　t　even　have　a　full　second　to　ascertain　her　condition。　I　heard　the　van　behind　us；　grating　and　squealing　as　it　twisted　around　the　sturdy　iron　body　of　the　girl　s　truck。　It　was　changing　course；　arcing；　ing　for　her　again　like　she　was　a　mag；　pulling　it　toward　us。　A　word　I　d　never　said　before　in　the　presence　of　a　lady　slid　between　my　clenched　teeth。　I　had　already　done　too　much。　As　I　d　nearly　flown　through　the　air　to　push　her