3 eclipse月食-第84章

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The　heat　didn’t　shiver　down　my　spine。　My　voice　was　calm　when　I　answered。　
“Jump　off　a　cliff；　Leah。”　I　pointed　to　the　one　at　my　feet。　
“Really；　kid。”　She　ignored　me；　throwing　herself　into　a　sprawl　on　the　ground　next　to　me。　“You　have　no　idea　
how　hard　this　is　for　me。”　
“For　you？”　It　took　me　a　minute　to　believe　she　was　serious。　“You　have　to　be　the　most　selfabsorbed　
person　alive；　Leah。　I’d　hate　to　shatter　the　dream　world　you　livein　—　the　one　where　the　sun　is　orbiting　the　
place　where　you　stand　—　so　I　won’t　tell　you　how　little　I　care　what　your　problem　is。　Go。　Away。”　
“Just　look　at　this　from　my　perspective　for　a　minute；　okay？”　she　continued　as　if　I　hadn’t　said　anything。　
If　she　was　trying　to　break　my　mood；　it　worked。　I　started　laughing。　The　sound　hurt　in　strange　ways。　
“Stop　snorting　and　pay　attention；”　she　snapped。　
“If　I　pretend　to　listen；　will　you　leave？”　I　asked；　glancing　over　at　the　permanent　scowl　on　her　face。　I　wasn’t　
sure　if　she　had　any　other　expressions　anymore。　
I　remembered　back　to　when　I　used　to　think　that　Leah　was　pretty；　maybe　even　beautiful。　That　was　a　long　
time　ago。　No　one　thought　of　her　that　way　now。　Except　for　Sam。　He　was　never　going　to　forgive　himself。　Like　it　
was　his　fault　that　she’d　turned　into　this　bitter　harpy。　
Her　scowl　heated　up；　as　if　she　could　guess　what　I　was　thinking。　Probably　could。　
“This　is　making　me　sick；　Jacob。　Can　you　imagine　what　this　feels　like　to　me？　I　don’t　even　like　Bella　Swan。　
And　you’ve　got　me　grieving　over　this　leechlover　like　I’m　in　love　with　her；　too。　Can　you　see　where　that　might　
be　a　little　confusing？　I　dreamed　about　kissing　her　last　night！　What　the　hell　am　I　supposed　to　do　with　that？”　
“Do　I　care？”　
“I　can’t　stand　being　in　your　head　anymore！　Get　over　her　already！　She’s　going　to　marry　that　thing。　He’s　
going　to　try　to　change　her　into　one　of　them！　Time　to　move　on；　boy。”　
“Shut　up；”　I　growled。　
It　would　be　wrong　to　strike　back。　I　knew　that。　I　was　biting　my　tongue。　But　she’d　be　sorry　if　she　didn’t　
walk　away。　Now。　
“He’ll　probably　just　kill　her　anyway；”　Leah　said。　Sneering。　“All　the　stories　say　that　happens　more　often　
than　not。　Maybe　a　funeral　will　be　better　closure　than　a　wedding。　Ha。”　
This　time　I　had　to　work。　I　closed　my　eyes　and　fought　the　hot　taste　in　my　mouth。　I　pushed　and　shoved　
against　the　slide　of　fire　down　my　back；　wrestling　to　keep　my　shape　together　while　my　body　tried　to　shake　
apart。　
When　I　was　in　control　again；　I　glowered　at　her。　She　was　watching　my　hands　as　the　tremors　slowed。　
Smiling。　
Some　joke。　
“If　you’re　upset　about　gender　confusion；　Leah　。　。　。　；”　I　said。　Slow；　emphasizing　each　word。　“How　do　you　
think　the　rest　of　us　like　looking　at　Sam　through　your　eyes？　It’s　bad　enough　that　Emily　has　to　deal　with　your　
fixation。　She　doesn’t　need　us　guys　panting　after　him；　too。”　
Pissed　as　I　was；　I　still　felt　guilty　when　I　watched　the　spasm　of　pain　shoot　across　her　face。　
She　scrambled　to　her　feet　—　pausing　only　to　spit　in　my　direction　—　and　ran　for　the　trees；　vibrating　like　a　
tuning　fork。　

I　laughed　darkly。　“You　missed。”　
Sam　was　going　to　give　me　hell　for　that；　but　it　was　worth　it。　Leah　wouldn’t　bug　me　anymore。　And　I’d　do　it　
again　if　I　had　the　chance。　
Because　her　words　were　still　there；　scratching　themselves　into　my　brain；　the　pain　of　it　so　strong　that　I　
could　hardly　breathe。　
It　didn’t　matter　so　much　that　Bella’d　chosen　someone　else　over　me。　That　agony　was　nothing　at　all。　That　
agony　I　could　live　with　for　the　rest　of　my　stupid；　too　long；　stretchedout　life。　
But　it　did　matter　that　she　was　giving　up　everything　—　that　she　was　letting　her　heart　stop　and　her　skin　ice　
over　and　her　mind　twist　into　some　crystallized　predator’s　head。　A　monster。　A　stranger。　
I　would　have　thought　there　was　nothing　worse　than　that；　nothing　more　painful　in　the　whole　world。　
But；　if　he　killed　her　。　。　。　
Again；　I　had　to　fight　the　rage。　Maybe；　if　not　for　Leah；　it　would　be　good　to　let　the　heat　change　me　into　a　
creature　who　could　deal　with　it　better。　A　creature　with　instincts　so　much　stronger　than　human　emotions。　An　
animal　who　couldn’t　feel　pain　in　the　same　way。　A　different　pain。　Some　variety；　at　least。　But　Leah　was　running　
now；　and　I　didn’t　want　to　share　her　thoughts。　I　cussed　her　under　my　breath　for　taking　away　that　escape；　too。　
My　hands　were　shaking　in　spite　of　me。　What　shook　them？　Anger？　Agony？　I　wasn’t　sure　what　I　was　
fightingnow。　
I　had　to　believe　that　Bella　would　survive。　But　that　required　trust　—　a　trust　I　didn’t　want　to　feel；　a　trust　in　
that　bloodsucker’s　ability　to　keep　her　alive。　
She　would　be　different；　and　I　wondered　how　that　would　affect　me。　Would　it　be　the　same　as　if　she　had　
died；　to　see　her　standing　there　like　a　stone？　Like　ice？　When　her　scent　burned　in　my　nostrils　and　triggered　the　
instinct　to　rip；　to　tear　。　。　。　How　would　that　be？　Could　I　want　to　kill　her？　Could　I　not　want　to　kill　one　of　them？　
I　watched　the　swells　roll　toward　the　beach。　They　disappeared　from　sight　under　the　edge　of　the　cliff；　but　I　
heard　them　beat　against　the　sand。　I　watched　them　until　it　was　late；　long　after　dark。　
Going　home　was　probably　a　bad　idea。　But　I　was　hungry；　and　I　couldn’t　think　of　another　plan。　
I　made　a　face　as　I　pulled　my　arm　through　the　retarded　sling　and　grabbed　my　crutches。　If　only　Charlie　
hadn’t　seen　me　that　day　and　spread　the　word　of　my　“motorcycle　accident。”　Stupid　props。　I　hated　them。　
Going　hungry　started　to　look　better　when　I　walked　in　the　house　and　got　a　look　at　my　dad’s　face。　He　had　
something　on　his　mind。　It　was　easy　to　tell　—　he　always　overdid　it。　Acted　all　casual。　
He　also　talked　too　much。　He　was　rambling　about　his　day　before　I　could　get　to　the　table。　He　never　
jabbered　like　this　unless　there　was　something　that　he　didn’t　want　to　say。　I　ignored　him　as　best　I　could；　
concentrating　on　the　food。　The　faster　I　choked　it　down　。　。　。　
“。　。　。　and　Sue　stopped　by　today。”　My　dad’s　voice　was　loud。　Hard　to　ignore。　As　always。　“Amazing　
woman。　She’s　tougher　than　grizzlies；　that　one。　I　don’t　know　how　she　deals　with　that　daughter　of　hers；　though。　
Now　Sue；　she　would　have　made　one　hell　of　a　wolf。　Leah’s　more　of　a　wolverine。”　He　chuckled　at　his　own　
joke。　
He　waited　briefly　for　my　response；　but　didn’t　seem　to　see　my　blank；　boredoutofmymind　expression。　
Most　days　that　bugged　him。　I　wished　he　would　shut　up　about　Leah。　I　was　trying　not　to　think　about　her。　
“Seth’s　a　lot　easier。　Of　course；　you　were　easier　than　your　sisters；　too；　until　。　。　。　well；　you　have　more　to　
deal　with　than　they　did。”　
I　sighed；　long　and　deep；　and　stared　out　the　window。　
Billy　was　quiet　for　a　second　too　long。　“We　got　a　letter　today。”　
I　could　tell　that　this　was　the　subject　he’d　been　avoiding。　
“A　letter？”　
“A　。　。　。　wedding　invitation。”　
Every　muscle　in　my　body　locked　into　place。　A　feather　of　heat　seemed　to　brush　down　my　back。　I　held　onto　
the　table　to　keep　my　hands　steady。　
Billy　went　on　like　he　hadn’t　noticed。　“There’s　a　note　inside　that’s　addressed　to　you。　I　didn’t　read　it。”　
He　pulled　a　thick　ivory　envelope　from　where　it　was　wedged　between　his　leg　and　the　side　of　his　wheelchair。　
He　laid　it　on　the　table　between　us。　
“You　probably　don’t　need　to　read　it。　Doesn’t　really　matter　what　it　says。”　
Stupid　reverse　psychology。　I　yanked　the　envelope　off　the　table。　

It　was　some　heavy；　stiff　paper。　Expensive。　Too　fancy　for　Forks。　The　card　inside　was　the　same；　too　done　
up　and　formal。　Bella’d　had　nothing　to　do　with　this。　There　was　no　sign　of　her　personal　taste　in　the　layers　of　see　
through；　petalprinted　pages。　I’d　bet　she　didn’t　like　it　at　all。　I　didn’t　read　the　words；　not　even　to　see　the　date。　I　
didn’t　care。　
There　was　a　piece　of　the　thick　ivory　paper　folded　inhalf　with　my　name　handwritten　in　black　ink　on　the　
back。　I　didn’t　recognize　the　handwriting；　but　it　was　as　fancy　as　the　rest　of　it。　For　half　a　second；　I　wondered　if　
the　bloodsucker　was　into　gloating。　
I　flipped　it　open。　


　　Jacob；　

　　I’m　breaking　the　rules　by　sending　you　this。　She　was　afraid　of　hurting　you；　and　she　didn’t　want　to　
　　make　you　feel　obligated　in　any　way。　But　I　know　that；　if　things　had　gone　the　other　way；　I　would　have　
　　wanted　the　choice。　
　I　promise　I　will　take　care　of　her；　Jacob。　Thank　you　—　for　her　—　for　everything。　

　　Edward　

“Jake；　we　only　have　the　one　table；”　Billy　said。　He　was　staring　at　my　left　hand。　
My　fingers　were　clamped　down　on　the　wood　hard　enough　that　it　really　was　in　danger。　I　loosened　them　
one　by　one；　concentrating　on　that　action　alone；　and　then　clenched　my　hands　together　so　I　couldn’t　break　
anything。　
“Yeah；　doesn’t　matter　anyway；”　Billy　muttered。　
I　got　up　from　the　table；　shrugging　out　of　my　tshirt　as　I　stood。　Hopefully　Leah　had　gone　home　by　now。　
“Not　too　late；”　Billy　mumbled　as　I　punched　the　front　door　out　of　my　way。　
I　was　running　before　I　hit　the　trees；　my　clothes　strewn　out　behind　me　like　a　trail　of　crumbs　—　as　if　I　
wanted　to　find　my　way　back。　It　was　almost　too　easy　now　to　phase。　I　didn’t　have　to　think。　My　body　already　
knew　where　I　was　going　and；　before　I　asked　it　to；　it　gave　me　what　I　wanted。　
I　had　four　legs　now；　and　I　was　flying。　
The　trees　blurred　into　a　sea　of　black　flowing　around　me。　My　muscles　bunched　and　released　in　an　effortless　
rhythm。　I　could　run　like　this　for　days　and　I　would　not　be　tired。　Maybe；　this　time；　I　wouldn’t　stop。　
But　I　wasn’t　alone。　
So　sorry；　Embry　whispered　in　my　head。　
I　could　see　through　his　eyes。　He　was　far　away；　to　the　north；　but　he　had　wheeled　around　and　was　racing　to　
join　me。　I　growled　and　pushed　myself　faster。　
Wait　for　us；　Quil　plained。　He　was　closer；　just　starting　out　from　the　village。　
Leave　me　alone；　I　snarled。　
I　could　feel　their　worry　in　my　head；　try　hard　as　I　might　to　drown　it　in　the　sound　of　the　wind　and　the　forest。　
This　was　what　I　hated　most　—　seeing　myself　through　their　eyes；　worse　now　that　their　eyes　were　full　of　pity。　
They　saw　the　hate；　but　they　kept　running　after　me。　
A　new　voice　sounded　in　my　head。　
Let　him　go。　Sam’s　thought　was　soft；　but　still　an　order。　Embry　and　Quil　slowed　to　a　walk。　
If　only　I　could　stop　hearing；　stop　seeing　what　they　saw。　My　head　was　so　crowded；　but　the　only　way　to　be　
alone　again　was　to　be　human；　and　I　couldn’t　stand　the