4 breaking dawn破晓-第48章

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little　chase　action　

might　have　been　nice；　not　to　mention　that　the　license　plate　info　would　bring　the　heat　down　on　the　leech。　
Sure；　he'd　buy　his　way　out　of　it；　but　it　might　have　been　just　a　little　inconvenient　for　him。　

The　only　sign　of　surveillance　i　came　across　was　just　a　hint　of　dark　brown　fur　flitting　through　the　woods；　
running　parallel　to　me　for　a　few　miles　on　the　south　side　of　Forks。　Quil；　it　looked　like。　He　must　have　seen　
me；　too；　because　he　disappeared　after　a　minute　without　raising　an　alarm。　Again；　I　almost　wondered　what　
his　story　would　be　before　I　remembered　that　I　didn't　care。　

I　raced　around　the　long　Ushaped　highway；　heading　for　the　biggest　city　I　could　find。　That　was　the　first　
part　of　my　plan。　

It　seemed　to　take　forever；　probably　because　I　was　still　on　the　razor　blades；　but　it　actually　didn't　even　
take　two　hours　before　I　was　driving　north　into　the　undefined　sprawl　that　was　part　Taa　and　part　
Seattle。　I　slowed　down　then；　because　I　really　wasn't　trying　to　kill　any　innocent　bystanders。　

This　was　a　stupid　plan。　It　wasn't　going　to　work。　But；　as　I'd　searched　my　head　for　any　way　at　all　to　get　
away　from　the　pain；　what　Leah'd　said　today　had　popped　in　there。　

That　would　go　away；　you　know；　if　you　imprinted。　You　wouldn't　have　to　hurt　over　her　anymore。　

Seemed　like　maybe　getting　your　choices　taken　away　from　you　wasn't　the　very　worst　thing　in　the　world。　
Maybe　feeling　like　this　was　the　very　worst　thing　in　the　world。　

But　I'd　seen　all　the　girls　in　La　Push　and　up　on　the　Makah　rez　and　in　Forks。　I　needed　a　wider　hunting　
range。　

So　how　do　you　look　for　a　random　soul　mate　in　a　crowd？　Well；　first；　I　needed　a　crowd。　So　I　tooled　
around；　looking　for　a　likely　spot。　I　passed　a　couple　of　malls；　which　probably　would've　been　pretty　good　
places　to　find　girls　my　age；　but　I　couldn't　make　myself　stop。　Did　I　want　to　imprint　on　some　girl　who　hung　



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out　in　a　mall　all　day？　

I　kept　going　north；　and　it　got　more　and　more　crowded。　Eventually；　I　found　a　big　park　full　of　kids　and　
families　and　skateboards　and　bikes　and　kites　and　piics　and　the　whole　bit。　I　hadn't　noticed　till　now—it　
was　a　nice　day。　Sun　and　all　that。　People　were　out　celebrating　the　blue　sky。　

I　parked　across　two　handicapped　spots—just　begging　for　a　ticket—and　joined　the　crowd。　

I　walked　around　for　what　felt　like　hours。　Long　enough　that　the　sun　changed　sides　in　the　sky。　I　stared　into　
the　face　of　every　girl　who　passed　anywhere　near　me；　making　myself　really　look；　noticing　who　was　pretty　
and　who　had　blue　eyes　and　who　looked　good　in　braces　and　who　had　way　too　much　makeup　on。　I　tried　
to　find　something　interesting　about　each　face；　so　that　I　would　know　for　sure　that　I'd　really　tried。　Things　
like：　This　one　had　a　really　straight　nose；　that　one　should　pull　her　hair　out　of　her　eyes；　this　one　could　do　
lipstick　ads　if　the　rest　of　her　face　was　as　perfect　as　her　mouth___　

Sometimes　they　stared　back。　Sometimes　they　looked　scared—like　they　were　thinking；　Who　is　this　big　
freak　glaring　at　me？　Sometimes　I　thought　they　looked　kind　of　interested；　but　maybe　that　was　just　my　
ego　running　wild。　

Either　way；　nothing。　Even　when　I　met　the　eyes　of　the　girl　who　was—no　contest—the　hottest　girl　in　the　
park　and　probably　in　the　city；　and　she　stared　right　back　with　a　speculation　that　looked　like　interest；　I　felt　
nothing。　Just　the　same　desperate　drive　to　find　a　way　out　of　the　pain。　

As　time　went　on；　I　started　noticing　all　the　wrong　things。　Bella　things。　This　one's　hair　was　the　same　color。　
That　one's　eyes　were　sort　of　shaped　the　same。　This　one's　cheekbones　cut　across　her　face　in　just　the　same　
way。　That　one　had　the　same　little　crease　between　her　eyes—which　made　me　wonder　what　she　was　
worrying　about___　

That　was　when　I　gave　up。　Because　it　was　beyond　stupid　to　think　that　I　had　picked　exactly　the　right　place　
and　time　and　I　was　going　to　simply　walk　into　my　soul　mate　just　because　I　was　so　desperate　to。　

It　wouldn't　make　sense　to　find　her　here；　anyway。　If　Sam　was　right；　the　best　place　to　find　my　geic　
match　would　be　in　La　Push。　And；　clearly；　no　one　there　fit　the　bill。　If　Billy　was　right；　then　who　knew？　
What　made　for　a　stronger　wolf？　

I　wandered　back　to　the　car　and　then　slumped　against　the　hood　and　played　with　the　keys。　

Maybe　I　was　what　Leah　thought　she　was。　Some　kind　of　dead　end　that　shouldn't　be　passed　on　to　
another　generation。　Or　maybe　it　was　just　that　my　life　was　a　big；　cruel　joke；　and　there　was　no　escape　from　
the　punch　line。　

〃Hey；　you　okay？　Hello？　You　there；　with　the　stolen　car。〃　

It　took　me　a　second　to　realize　that　the　voice　was　talking　to　me；　and　then　another　second　to　decide　to　
raise　my　head。　

A　familiarlooking　girl　was　staring　at　me；　her　expression　kind　of　anxious。　I　knew　why　I　recognized　her　
face—I'd　already　catalogued　this　one。　Light　redgold　hair；　fair　skin；　a　few　goldcolored　freckles　
sprinkled　across　her　cheeks　and　nose；　and　eyes　the　color　of　cinnamon。　

〃If　you're　feeling　that　remorseful　over　boosting　the　car；〃　she　said；　smiling　so　that　a　dimple　popped　out　in　



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her　chin；　〃you　could　always　turn　yourself　in。〃　

〃It's　borrowed；　not　stolen；〃　I　snapped。　My　voice　sounded　horrible—like　I'd　been　crying　or　something。　
Embarrassing。　

〃Sure；　thatW　hold　up　in　court。〃　

I　glowered。　〃You　need　something？〃　

〃Not　really。　I　was　kidding　about　the　car；　you　know。　It's　just　that。。。　you　look　really　upset　about　
something。　Oh；　hey；　I'm　Lizzie。〃　She　held　out　her　hand。　

I　looked　at　it　until　she　let　it　fall。　

〃Anyway。。。；〃　she　said　awkwardly；　〃I　was　just　wondering　if　I　could　help。　Seemed　like　you　were　looking　
for　someone　before。〃　She　gestured　toward　the　park　and　shrugged。　

〃Yeah。〃　

She　waited。　

I　sighed。　〃I　don't　need　any　help。　She's　not　here。〃　

〃Oh。　Sorry。〃　

〃Me；　too；〃　I　muttered。　

I　looked　at　the　girl　again。　Lizzie。　She　was　pretty。　Nice　enough　to　try　to　help　a　grouchy　stranger　who　must　
seem　nuts。　Why　couldn't　she　be　the　one？　Why　did　everything　have　to　be　so　freaking　plicated？　Nice　
girl；　pretty；　and　sort　of　funny。　Why　not？　

〃This　is　a　beautiful　car；〃　she　said。　〃It's　really　a　shame　they're　not　making　them　anymore。　I　mean；　the　
Vantage's　body　styling　is　gorgeous；　too；　but　there's　just　something　about　the　Vanquish___〃　

Nice　girl　who　knew　cars。　Wow。　I　stared　at　her　face　harder；　wishing　I　knew　how　to　make　it　work。　
C'mon；　Jake—　imprint　already。　

〃How's　it　drive？〃　she　asked。　

〃Like　you　wouldn't　believe；〃　I　told　her。　

She　grinned　her　onedimple　smile；　clearly　pleased　to　have　dragged　a　halfway　civil　response　out　of　me；　
and　I　gave　her　a　reluctant　smile　back。　

But　her　smile　did　nothing　about　the　sharp；　cutting　blades　that　raked　up　and　down　my　body。　No　matter　
how　much　I　wanted　it　to；　my　life　was　not　going　to　e　together　like　that。　

I　wasn't　in　that　healthier　place　where　Leah　was　headed。　I　wasn't　going　to　be　able　to　fall　in　love　like　a　
normal　person。　Not　when　I　was　bleeding　over　someone　else。　Maybe—if　it　was　ten　years　from　now　and　
Bella's　heart　was　long　dead　and　I'd　hauled　myself　through　the　whole　grieving　process　and　e　out　in　
one　piece　again—maybe　then　I　could　offer　Lizzie　a　ride　in　a　fast　car　and　talk　makes　and　models　and　get　



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to　know　something　about　her　and　see　if　I　liked　her　as　a　person。　But　that　wasn't　going　to　happen　now。　

Magic　wasn't　going　to　save　me。　I　was　just　going　to　have　to　take　the　torture　like　a　man。　Suck　it　up。　

Lizzie　waited；　maybe　hoping　I　was　going　to　offer　her　that　ride。　Or　maybe　not。　

〃I'd　better　get　this　car　back　to　the　guy　I　borrowed　it　from；〃　I　muttered。　

She　smiled　again。　〃Glad　to　hear　you're　going　straight。〃　

〃Yeah；　you　convinced　me。〃　

She　watched　me　get　in　the　car；　still　sort　of　concerned。　I　probably　looked　like　someone　who　was　about　
to　drive　off　a　cliff。　Which　maybe　I　would've；　if　that　kind　of　move'd　work　for　a　werewolf。　She　waved　
once；　her　eyes　trailing　after　the　car。　

At　first；　I　drove　more　sanely　on　the　way　back。　I　wasn't　in　a　rush。　I　didn't　want　to　go　where　I　was　going。　
Back　to　that　house；　back　to　that　forest。　Back　to　the　pain　I'd　run　from。　Back　to　being　absolutely　alone　
with　it。　

Okay；　that　was　melodramatic。　I　wouldn't　be　all　alone；　but　that　was　a　bad　thing。　Leah　and　Seth　would　
have　to　suffer　with　me。　I　was　glad　Seth　wouldn't　have　to　suffer　long。　Kid　didn't　deserve　to　have　his　peace　
of　mind　ruined。　Leah　didn't；　either；　but　at　least　it　was　something　she　understood。　Nothing　new　about　pain　
for　Leah。　

I　sighed　big　as　I　thought　about　what　Leah　wanted　from　me；　because　I　knew　now　that　she　was　going　to　
get　it。　I　was　still　pissed　at　her；　but　I　couldn't　ignore　the　fact　that　i　could　make　her　life　easier。　And—now　
that　I　knew　her　better—I　thought　she　would　probably　do　this　for　me；　if　our　positions　were　reversed。　

It　would　be　interesting；　at　the　very　least；　and　strange；　too；　to　have　Leah　as　a　panion—as　a　friend。　
We　were　going　to　get　under　each　other's　skin　a　lot；　that　was　for　sure。　She　wouldn't　be　one　to　let　me　
wallow；　but　I　thought　that　was　a　good　thing。　I'd　probably　need　someone　to　kick　my　butt　now　and　then。　
But　when　it　came　right　down　to　it；　she　was　really　the　only　friend　who　had　any　chance　of　understanding　
what　I　was　going　through　now。　

I　thought　of　the　hunt　this　morning；　and　how　close　our　minds　had　been　for　that　one　moment　in　time。　It　
hadn't　been　a　bad　thing。　Different。　A　little　scary；　a　little　awkward。　But　also　nice　in　a　weird　way。　

I　didn't　have　to　be　all　alone。　

And　I　knew　Leah　was　strong　enough　to　face　with　me　the　months　that　were　ing。　Months　and　years。　It　
made　me　tired　to　think　about　it。　I　felt　like　I　was　staring　out　across　an　ocean　that　I　was　going　to　have　to　
swim　from　shore　to　shore　before　I　could　rest　again。　

So　much　time　ing；　and　then　so　little　time　before　it　started。　Before　I　was　flung　into　that　ocean。　Three　
and　a　half　more　days；　and　here　I　was；　wasting　that　little　bit　of　time　I　had。　

I　started　driving　too　fast　again。　

I　saw　Sam　and　Jared；　one　on　either　side　of